Chosen Words

Today I received an email from Speedracer regarding our first meeting entitled ‘Choosing A Church’ :-0
This was in my response to mine entitled ‘Choosing Shoes‘….hmm...Right.
Ironically I was walking Baby Dog at the time, and musing on what it is I really want from a relationship at this point, and how to better communicate that in my SD profile. I had been thinking about it a bit lately, but mostly this morning as I had my coffee and then walking Baby Dog. Anyway, had decided that what I am really looking for is someone I can see when we both want but don’t have to feel I need to know what he’s doing and where he is when we’re not together, and especially vice versa- a freedom! I thought a bit about how I was going to explain this to Speedracer, whilst being sure to emphasise that I am not a slag, ewww!
In the park, whilst walking through my especially favourite bit where one can almost imagine that one is alone in the middle of the countryside with the tall grass and the trees…I decided the thing to say in my profile is ‘fiercely independent’; ‘Yes, I though perfect’. And so, as life would have it, my phone gave its little muted ding sound that tells me I have mail, and I opened it to ‘Choosing a Church’. Now one of my adages in dating I am always harping on about is, ‘Start as You Mean to Go On’ or, that people often do anyway, ie if you watch closely, and read the signs correctly as things are starting up, you can know the future of the realtionship. Of course there is the issue of interpretation. I have for instance had the experience of things looking good at the outset, only to turn into a big bubble burst later, after all, its only been the other way around with one person, Latex Banker(ewww! when he let me on that proclivity) , so that never got off the ground, very disappointing…
My mum pointed it out the other day when I complained about Speedracers’s lack of communication thus far. As she said, I have complained about these obsessive communicators who, by the time of meeting had blown the whole gaff by over egging the pudding, and I when I got to the date I could tell in a nanosecond I wasn’t interested but went through with the whole thing for form’s sake. And so she had a point, at least for now-we’ll see on the day. Also, I do so dislike the over-egging, and those sticky types anyway worse still the overripe brie type (messy and oozing emotionalism) I am after all a New England girl at heart.

For instance, I wouldn’t even meet Italian Model because of his preliminary obsession. Even though, and especially becasue, hes ent me pics of him in a towel that made my friends drool (I just thought YUK!). It may seem mad to some, but definitely the right choice to have given him a miss. After all he went mental before we even met, and a decision later proven wise by my French might-mare. (I’ll relate both their tales later) Definitely better to have enthusiasm bourn of true attraction instead of insanity….perhaps better still to avoid hot-blooded Mediterraneans altogether...
But I digress…this is about Speedracer after all, so back to his email entitled Choosing a Church. Even in this old hardened heart allowed a second’s day dream, fast-forwarding to the day where of course we would have to marry there, as it was where we met on our first date… And then there’s the issue of what does this say of the man? Man of few words, so those are powerful ones…is he sure in some way that I’m not, that things will work out? Hmmm…And it also begs the question, am I such a committement-phobe as all that, if I would even always that second’s daydream? YES! I am fiercely independent, its not just spin. I had to stem the urge to write back a message entitled ‘How to Frighten a Commitment-phobe in One Easy Step’.

Hold back, I must. The less said the more likely the magic…those chosen words...hmm... I do believe this, and it has always worked for me. The problem is that I so often make smart-ass quips when I’m nervous, which really blocks up those moments. When I’ve managed not to this have been amazing, but I have to balance this with being me, don’t I? SO the where is the balance between being enigmatic and wise-cracking…? Is there such a thing? The two are so far apart that it seems quite difficult to imagine how without sounding like a schizophrenic, which, lets face it, is never a good look. Still, I am not entirely one or the other but a balance of the two, and have noticed that people tend to notice me more when I’m saying nothing, which makes sense because when I’m being wise-ass I am quite literally hiding behind a wall of words. OMG I am actually nervous about this date (rare thing). I wonder if he is too…
Now I just have to choose my shoes...